The following is an account of my journey to healing after an abortion experience.
The other day I was stopped at a red light and the car ahead of me had a bumper sticker that read, “Abortion: One dead, one wounded.” Not to be cold but I understood who was dead, what confused me — who was the wounded: ONE? Abortion wounds many people. The mother is obviously wounded, but there are many others who feel the same guilt, condemnation and pain from the abortion. The one who doesn’t get mentioned the most is the father.
As a post-abortive man, I felt the same pain, guilt and condemnation that I hear women carry. As a post abortive advocate for men, I get to speak to different organizations including women’s post abortive groups. The common denominator that both the mother and father experience is guilt and condemnation.
Many women are surprised when I tell them about my feelings the abortion brought. Many women realize that abortion does hurt the father. I know men can hide their feelings well, but there is a hole in our souls the abortion creates. God created men to provide for and protect their families. Abortion destroys his confidence in his ability to provide those crucial needs in the lives of his spouse and future children.
Soon after the abortion, men don’t realize the negative effects and after time, they don’t want to admit the pain they feel so they are in denial. Work, drugs, alcohol, overachieving, etc., are ways that men show their hurt. Others don’t work or have very low self-esteem. This is the sadness of what abortion has created in our country. The abortion advocates say that women who are affected emotionally by the abortion are emotionally weak. Nothing is said about the effects of abortion on men. For decades we have sat in the back struggling with the emotions but kept our mouths shut. There had to be something wrong with us and we did not want to let people know we were hurting. Therefore we became dysfunctional husbands, fathers, employees and employers.
Who knows how many divorces, suicides and mental illnesses have occurred because of the right of women to kill their babies.
There is healing that can come for men as there is for women. God does forgive us, but He first asks that we forgive ourselves. His healing is wonderful and I know firsthand how His healing touch feels.
Men, I know how stubborn we can be; it took me 27 years to be healed. However, the blood of Jesus cleanses all sins and we cannot believe the lies of the enemy. Even today the enemy attacks me, but the work of the hand of God in my life took the nerves out of the event like a root canal. The abortion remains, like the tooth, but there are no feelings of guilt and condemnation. It is a painful process, but in the end the results remove anything for the enemy to attack.
I have spoken to many groups about the effects of abortion on men over the last five years. One night I was speaking to a church group and told them the story of the bumper sticker. I told them that the bumper sticker should have said one dead, two wounded. However, what about the parents who would have been grandparents, siblings that would have been aunts and uncles, and friends who could have been godparents? After the meeting, an older couple came up to me. Both were crying and they thanked me for talking about grandparents. They felt a great loss and no one ever acknowledged them. They were very grateful. So, in reflection, maybe the bumper sticker should read: “Abortion, one dead, and many wounded.